how to build confidence

5 Simple Ways to Build your Confidence

Posted on Posted in life hacks

Confidence is the ten-letter word that could make or break your life.


And the guys at Skypoll even concluded that a third of “young people” lack confidence.


That means one in every three young people finds conversations awkward and is likely to fumble through a speech.

That pretty much sounds like me.

Lucky for many of us, there is a simple five-step guide to build your confidence.

But before I take you through them, you’ve got to wonder WHY people lack confidence.


Social media.

It’s a good thing. I don’t deny that. But did you know that social media’s impact on self-esteem is more detrimental than you think it is?


People will compare themselves to the “perfect” people they see on social media, compare their businesses to the budding businesses they see, compare their lives to those they see and so on. It’s a vicious cycle.

If they conclude that their lives don’t fit the bill, then they feel like they don’t have a voice. Confidence goes flying out the window.


The Western culture really frowns upon obesity, which is really ironic given that roughly two out of three U.S. adults are obese. Which begs the question, “How obese is obese?”

Because most young ladies suffer from a  condition known as bulimia where they experience a low level of esteem over their own bodies and are obsessed with losing weight.

Such societal expectations can drive an obese individual to feel like they don’t belong or they don’t fit in the matrix.

Childhood experiences.

This happens when one’s childhood is always on check. The parents may have been too critical with their children and this creates a sort of “fear” in the child.

If the child fails to hit the parents’ high expectations, they consider it as the worst failure in their parents’ eyes.

Normally if this goes on, the child ends up having low self-esteem and believing that they only succeed if their parents okay it.

Read: “Never Good Enough” for Mom – even on her deathbed!


Life situations.

Sometimes it doesn’t take much to lower your confidence.

When I was young and my grandpa passed on, I feared that death, which I always believed happened to other people, was now closer than ever. Whenever it hits close, you think it’s bound to happen again.

This really made me lose confidence in trying to live another day. I mean, if death was that instant and cruel at the same time, what chances did I have?

Lucky for me I didn’t turn suicidal.

But there are people out there who lose confidence in the slightest but most deafening of situations. Really, it doesn’t take much. Health problems. Financial stress. On a losing bet streak. Divorce. Bad relationships. Another vicious cycle.


Despite everything stated above, I believe a wounded confidence can be rejuvenated.

I might not be the most confident person on earth qualified to give you such advice. No one really is. So take it.

 how to build confidence



Whenever I was required to give a speech or present myself to people, I always stood in front of a mirror and start reading the speech to myself.

My mirror self.

He was quite responsive and would laugh when I do, gulp when I do, pause and take a breath when I do. Obviously he was me. And I felt very comfortable speaking to myself.

Good thing is that I carried that comfort and that little confidence with me on-stage and really killed it.

All it takes is a dose of self-motivation.



Wake up every morning with a daily charge. Trust me, when you do this for a week, you’ll notice a change in your mood, a change in they way people view you and how you view them as well.

Examples of charges include:

  • “I’m the man! (or woman)”
  • “Let’s do this!”
  • “I’m the boss!”
  • “There’s no stopping me!”
  • “I’m a winner!”
  • “To hell with the haters!”

how to build confidence

It’s not normal to wake up and just frown at people for no reason.

Save me the excuse that you are an adolescent and swinging moods are a norm to you. That’s crap.


Take deep breaths. You will not be able to handle every situation that comes your way.

You’re not Superman.

Believe me when I say that taking a lungful is very important at such times. Not only does it relieve stress, but Yoga specialists even using this very technique (Pranayama) for a very compelling reason.

And you and I know better than to disgrace any advice from a Yogi.


In life, they will be the life you live and the life you desire to live. Confident people endeavor to live the life they desire. People without confidence desire to live the life other people are living. That’s where the difference is struck.

Confident people live the life they desire Click To Tweet

How many times have you failed to express your opinions and gone ahead to do something you didn’t want to do?

I did a research and found out that ten out of ten people do so. Don’t question my research.

Yes, it’s true. The more you keep silent, the more you suppress your dreams, visions, and goals. That’s why you’re feeling as if you won’t pass that test, or land that dream job or hit your gym goals.

This is my assignment for you. The next time you are invited to a party and you think you’re not cool or you look drab in your sixties suspenders, just go.

Express yourself the way you are.

Don’t try and force yourself into a position you are naturally not meant for.



All this time I have blamed your low level of confidence on what others are doing or saying.

But maybe the problem is you.

You are concentrating too much on what OTHERS think of you that you have accepted it as YOU.

I know you may have heard a saying that goes;

“If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.”

Let me tell you something. You don’t live your critics’ lives or your haters’ lives. It’s all about cleaning up the way you view yourself.

A few pounds over the normal weight bracket doesn’t mean you are the most obese person on earth. Cut yourself some slack (and a little weight) and you’ll be okay.

On the other hand, who said that being a classic muscly and abs-sticking-out-of-your-shirt type of person is the ideal primate on earth? No one.

Look. If I haven’t made myself clearer than this, go listen to Selena Gomez’s classic hit “Who Says“.



Part of the reason why you are low on confidence is because people are forcing you to look at your weaknesses.

And then the other reason is because you actually look at your weaknesses and get stuck brooding about them.


No one is great at everything. We are all mortal beings trying to find a way in this world.

Meanwhile, why don’t you try and concentrate on what you are freaking good at? Like that recent painting you whipped up? Or that sick dance move you broke? Or that smooth poem you cooked up that was heavenly to say the least?

When you learn to fix your eyes on the good things, then the bad things just feel jealous and disappear.




I’m not telling you to be short-sighted of the bigger picture. I’m telling you to focus on the small steps that lead to the bigger picture.

If you think too much on what the future holds, worry sets in because you are not in charge of the future. And since you can’t control things in the future, you lose confidence in what you are doing presently.

Maybe you don’t know how you can overcome that.

One simple solution is keeping a journal.

And no, men, keeping journals is not feminist at all. Just don’t keep a journal and lock it up with a key in a chest in some drawers. (But in case you have no idea how to start, click here and download a journal template).

Write down an achievement and a failure that you had during the day. Then accept that it’s good to fail because you learn how NOT to fail in the future.


Now here is my assignment for you.

how to build your confidence


After a month of writing down your achievements and failures, you will realize that you accept the fact that you will never be perfect and you have some strengths of your own. And after a year, you realize that you are more aware of yourself, both physically and mentally, and that other people’s viewpoint doesn’t necessarily matter.

And after a decade, you become Superman.


If you liked this, share it to someone who is low on confidence and inspire them.


And in case you forget or just feel like pinning, then there you go.

how to build your confidence



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